


Notes from the desert (2) What can I say?

by longhairshortfuse



Series: Carlos's Secret Diary [43]
Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Angst, M/M, Post-Episode: e049 Old Oak Doors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-25
Updated: 2014-08-25
Packaged: 2018-02-14 17:14:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2200188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/longhairshortfuse/pseuds/longhairshortfuse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carlos dictates a little of what has happened and how he feels stuck in the desert. <br/>After all, Cecil used to tell him he should practise talking about his feelings more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Notes from the desert (2) What can I say?

Dana has shown me so much. She taught me how to manifest in Night Vale, but I needed her help to do it properly and even then I am unable to keep stabilised enough to do it for more than a few minutes. Seeing you.. Seeing Cecil in his studio was... painful and beautiful. So painful. I had such hope that I would be back with you.... with Cecil in just a few hours of Night Vale time, maybe a day here. It was so simple once I worked it out and I was so pleased! All I had to do was wait while Dana and John and the Angry Intern stepped through into Night Vale, with the army of masked warriors and the angels, then wait some more for the Masked Warriors to come back here to their desert, then I could step through and... and... 

But I could not step back into Night Vale.

I was sad because I was wrong, I had my science wrong. That was confusing and I got angry with myself. All day I was in a difficult mood. I coped when I got stuck here at first, desert-time months ago, when I thought I was lost, by doing science.

_So_ much science.

I distracted myself with measurements and charts and observations and results so that I would not think about my predicament. I had the idea that if I kept investigating _enough_ I would maybe stumble on the information I needed to get home. Then, as I said before, I saw the mountain and the light. There I met Dana and John and the Angry lady and together we worked out how to use the doors. Oh Cecil, I was so happy about that! And so worried, no, apprehensive about coming home after all that I have missed. All the time I have missed. It was so hard to describe my emotions but I remembered that you... Cecil said I should try, if I practise I might get better at it. 

So, I was really happy to see Dana and John and your Intern go through the door and not come back into the desert. I was even happier that the doors opened to let the masked warriors back home to their desert encampment, because it meant that I was at least partly right and I love being right. I so looked forward to stepping through into Night Vale, feeling something other than sand under my feet, seeing something other than the terrible light rushing over the horizon and bleaching out all colour, all thought. I thought about how wonderful it would be to see you. Finally to see Cecil. And the little things, like how nice it would be to have a bath and clean clothes, get rid of this sand in my hair and to feel hungry or tired or... to hold you.

But when Doug stepped through the door it slammed shut and all the doors vanished. They were there, and then they were not there. It was silent and sudden, faster than a wink. And I remembered that I am not from Night Vale. Everybody was back where they came from except me. Is there a door back to where I am from? Could I get back to Night Vale from there? I don't even know how to get to Night Vale. I can't remember where it is or how I got there all that time ago. I can hardly remember what I did or where I was before Night Vale. The terrible light... It washes out everything it washes over. I don't even know how much I have forgotten already and that makes me concerned.

I couldn't manifest in Cecil's studio again, not without Dana to guide me and ground me. I tried for ages but could not reach. I think that is for the same reason I could not pass through the door. But I could call and leave a message. I hope you got it at the right time. I remembered that you could not call Dana or text, but email worked and I can see your... Cecil's Tumblr and maybe other things work too. There is literally an unmeasurable gulf between us, but I can pretend that it is no worse than having to live in a different city in a different time zone for a while. That thought makes me feel a little better. Khoshekh looks cute, by the way. Be careful with those chisels.

It's so _interesting_ , there is so much to study and chart and record. And there is the dangerous light and the rumbling and the shaking that isn't an earthquake. I want to know what all of these phenomena are, why they are here and whether they are still a danger to Night Vale.

I think I still have work to do in this desert. There is the abandoned settlement in the canyon that Dana told me about to explore. There are weird remains of creatures to excavate and articulate and draw. There is still the light, which I try to avoid, and the... oh I said that. I worry about how I might be forgetting things. Important things.

I hope I never forget that I love you. I wrote it on my arm. Does snapchat work? I'll try it later.

Meanwhile I think I want to call you. But I have no idea what to say.


End file.
